The idea of ‘the one’
- is absurd
I wake up to different parts of you
and each part
as beautiful as the next that i find.
I find morning you
and i fall in love.
i sit with your voice in my ear
falling in laughter.
i find a different woman
i want to bring pink orchids to.
And my body betrays me
mellowing for you
changing weather for you.
your song - Tapiwa Mugabe, tapiwamugabe.tumblr.com
“If you suddenly and unexpectedly feel joy,
don’t hesitate. Give in to it. There are plenty
of lives and whole towns destroyed or about
to be. We are not wise, and not very often
kind. And much can never be redeemed.
Still, life has some possibility left. Perhaps this
is its way of fighting back, that sometimes
something happens better than all the riches
or power in the world. It could be anything,
but very likely you notice it in the instant
when love begins. Anyway, that’s often the
case. Anyway, whatever it is, don’t be afraid
of its plenty. Joy is not made to be a crumb.”—Mary Oliver, from Don’t Hesitate (via violentwavesofemotion)
All of music’s like that. This invisible sending, pushed out into the air. A musician strums or bangs on or blows into a device, hoping or trusting that the listener feels something, that the listening crowd all feel the same thing. And us with our lovers, too: we send out these weightless signals, desires and dreams, and long for them to be received.
The theremin falls somewhere in between. An invisible, asking sound; but without even that banging, strumming, blowing. Just raised hands.
I’m gonna depress the hell out of all of you. ready? ok go
so, that “stop devaluing feminized work post”
nice idea and all
but the thing is, as soon as a decent number of women enter any field, it becomes “feminized,” and it becomes devalued.
as women enter a field in greater number, people become less willing to pay for it, the respect for it drops, and it’s seen as less of a big deal. it’s not about the job- it’s about the number of women in the job.
observe what happened with biology. it’s STEM, sure, but anyone in a male-dominated science will sneer at the idea of it being ‘for real,’ nevermind that everyone sure took it more seriously when it was a male dominated field. so has happened with scores of other areas; nursing comes to mind
so the thing is, it’s not the work or the job that has to be uplifted and seen as more respectable. it will never work out, until people start seeing women as respectable
but there’s a doozy and who the fuck knows if it’s ever happening in my life time
"observe what happened with biology. it’s STEM, sure, but anyone in a male-dominated science will sneer at the idea of it being ‘for real,’ nevermind that everyone sure took it more seriously when it was a male dominated field."
Personal anecdote time! I’m in a biology graduate program. An acquaintance wanted to introduce some guy to me because his son was thinking about becoming an undergrad science major. When he found out I was in the biology department, he grinned and said, “Well, I guess that’s kind of related to science.”
I gave him what I hope was an icy look and said, “Isn’t it strange how men outside the field started saying that right around the time biology majors shifted from mostly male to mostly female?”
The guy got this look on his face like he was about to play the “just a joke” card, and then an older woman who had been standing nearby, talking to someone else, turned to me and said, “The same thing happened with real estate.” She went on to explain that, over the course of the career, the male-to-female ratio among real estate agents had dropped, and the pay and “prestige factor” of that job dropped along with it.
It’s also interesting to look at fields where the reverse pattern happens, such as computer programming. Computer programming used to be a female-dominated field, but, in order to raise the prestige of the field, new entry tests and hiring practices were instituted to discourage the hiring of women. Because, naturally, there’s no way a field can be dominated by women and prestigious at the same time (reference: Researcher reveals how “Computer Geeks” replaced “Computer Girls”).
I’ve argued this exact thing before! Biology was NEVER considered a soft science before women entered. And medicine is now losing prestige too because women are becoming doctors instead of staying in lower positions. Suddenly these mentally rigorous fields based on insight and analysis are “just memorization” or some other bullshit about how they’re not REALLY using “intelligence.”
“What choice do I have?” ask the liberal gentrifiers, if you press them a bit. “This is the only place I can afford to live!” This sums everything up perfectly, puncturing the bubble of individual choices that make up liberal politics.
You have no choice; everything’s been decided ahead of time. If you want the American dream of a middle-class life with a home you own in the city in which you work, you have few other choices than to join the shock troops of the onslaught against the urban poor. Align with big capital and the repressive state in the conquest of the city, and maybe you’ll have enough equity to send your kids to college.
Sure, you may feel a bit of guilt, but when it comes down to it, you’re still calling the cops at the slightest provocation. After all, it’s not just trendy bars and cafes at stake — it’s the yuppies’ privileged position in ruling class administration, one of the dwindling means towards any semblance of economic and social stability in this time of crisis. The gentry weren’t drafted into this army, but they didn’t exactly volunteer.
this is an EXTREMELY thought-provoking piece. as a (young, white, privileged) student living in a mostly-hispanic, mostly-low-income neighborhood, I think a LOT about gentrification, and I have a lot of bad feelings about being part of that. and I don’t know that this article presented any solutions, but it articulated the problem(s) in a new way to me, so I hope you read it.
More and more often, women today are asking themselves the important question: have I already had children? If so, when? Where are they?
The most important issue facing modern feminists in today’s Easy-Squeeze, public bathroom, instant timer world is whether or not women have already had children, and if so where they saw them last. It’s hard enough trying to balance a career with the children you can find inside of your house. Women shouldn’t have to balance work, play, and a family they can’t remember if they have or not.
Have I given birth to anyone? Do I have a life partner, and if so, did the two or more of us decide to adopt? These are real questions that every woman has to ask in her lifetime. It’s time we stopped being embarrassed about it.
Sometimes women find themselves juggling a career, a husband, and trying to figure out whether the children they’re with are part of their family, someone they’re babysitting, or just standing near them. I know I’m not the only one among us who’s stopped dead in her tracks in the park and whispered in terror to herself: whose hand am I holding?
“It is not possible to be truly balanced in one’s views of an abuser and an abused woman. As Dr. Judith Herman explains eloquently in her masterwork Trauma and Recovery, “neutrality” actually serves the interests of the perpetrator much more than those of the victim and so is not neutral. Although an abuser prefers to have you wholeheartedly on his side, he will settle contentedly for your decision to take a middle stance. To him, that means you see the couple’s problems as partly her fault and partly his fault, which means it isn’t abuse.”—
"Why Does He Do That: Inside The Minds of Angry and Controlling Men" by Lundy Bancroft
“Biologists call a small male fish who darts in to fertilize eggs a “sneaker,”, a medium male who resembles a female a “female mimic,”, and a large aggressive territorial male a “parental,” to place a positive spin of his egg guarding. Both the sneaker and the female mimic are “sexual parasites” of the parental male’s “investment” in nest construction and territorial defense. The sneaker and the female mimic are said to express a gene for “cuckoldry,” as though the parental male were married to a female in his territory and victimized by her unfaithfulness. In fact, a territorial male and the female who is temporarily in his territory are not pair-bonded. Scientists sneak gender stereotypes into the primary literature and corrupt its objectivity. Are these descriptions only harmless words? No. The words affect the view of nature that emerges from biology.”—Joan Roughgarden (2004) Evolution’s Rainbow: Diversity, Gender, and Sexuality in Nature and People, University of California Press, Berkley (via 420-catnip)
“An estimated 63 percent of young men between the ages of 11 and 20 who are imprisoned for homicide have killed their mothers’ batterers.”—Kimberle Crenshaw, in her article Intersectionality and Identity Politics: Learning from Violence Against Women of Color (via androphilia)
“My wish for you is that you continue. Continue to be who and how you are, to astonish a mean world with your acts of kindness. Continue to allow humor to lighten the burden of your tender heart.”—Maya Angelou (via ethiopienne)
Remember how everyone’s favorite part of Heath Ledger’s performance in Brokeback Mountain was his almost painful physical repression, his reluctance to express any emotion that wasn’t punching or SHUTTING DOWN? His voice was closed in on itself in a raspy burr — he fell to the ground rather than shed tears — his face was hooded and dark and full of twitching cheek muscles. Kristen Stewart is Heath Ledger, I assure you. She has the same handsome face, the same winsome, masculine smile, the same reluctance to make direct eye contact.
For years, everyone in the world has misunderstood Kristen Stewart’s compressed emotional range. They thought it meant she was a limited actress; it means nothing of the kind. She is John Wayne being forced to play the Maureen O’Hara character. Give her a rail to lean against during a sunset, a military jacket, a toothpick to chew on, and something to squint her eyes against lazily in the distance, and her guardedness will be transformed from unsuccessful femininity to The Great American Male.